Any 40 year old man thats in the habit of jumping into bed with a woman who claims shes on BC after knowing her for 2 min is so dirty, Id be afraid to touch him much less get back in a relationship with him. There is no inherent unfairness in current laws child support is gender-blind. It just pays. They way the *LW* is painting the picture here of how she and her bf are treating the unborn child is unfair to the child and is why people are reacting the way they are. Steve Kellmeyer Honestly, I did grow up craving a strong male presence in my life and have always gravitated towards male professors or bosses who wee willing to play the role of mentor. I believe I saw the C-word used at least once. You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. A condoms like 50 cents. Whoever is saying otherwise is simply wrong. For someone who cant stand a woman and does not want to have a child you think he would make slightly more responsibly decisions. Reframed to show the low quality of the comparison: Would you like an abortion? = Would you like fries with that? > OK! I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy, but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along, and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. By nothing to do with their lifestyle choices do you mean never put it in her because I dont think we make men pay child support to women they have not had sex with. He says he'll do it after the first trimester as the girl's pregnancy is prone to miscarriage. It doesnt make sense. iseeshiny But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. This baby will need a dad, not just a check, and if he can walk away from this child he can walk away from you just as easily. Chuck Pelto Maybe because she wants something to love. The 16 & Pregnant cast member slash Teen Mom 2 firebrand is many things, but she has never been lucky in love. I would love to pil your brain on this, specifically how your mom handled discussing it with you if you would be Willing to share. Nope, none of it matters. Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father. Offers may be subject to change without notice. I agree with you, as well. A douchenozzle? Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. You dont honestly believe that logic that applies to one situation should be applied to all situations, do you? I weep for the younger folks out there. The fact that you are even considering getting back with this guy right now blows my mind. sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. April 9, 2012, 4:18 pm. And this is the problem with having sex in a non-monogamous relationship and not fully protecting yourself. SpaceySteph Yet when it came to her most recent boyfriend, John . Especially the children. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion- Yes, that is terrible of the man in question. Other times, breakups are not so obvious, and that can leave you questioning your decision. If you are sure to always love, support, and listen to your child, he/she will be just fine! No interest in fatherhood? Not everyone believes that. People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. Its been done and will continue to be done, as long as accidents, divorce, and death happen. Having read some of the (ahem) well-reasoned responses to my post (and your response), I realize the interwebs are probably not the best place to argue the merits of paternity law. I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. Start sinking down in the gutter, and no, Im not going to follow you there. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. The misogyny is the implication that this somehow makes it easy for a woman. Chuck Pelto And frankly, the more money and less contact the baby gets from your boyfriend, the better off he or she will be (not that s/he has much of a chance, given the nest of grown-ups s/hes coming into). Oh yeah, because plenty of men already have no problem abandoning AND not paying. Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. Cookie Notice Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. Im currently going through a rough breakup with my partner of nearly 9 years, and if this happened to me two months from now I would be having angry, irrational emotions too. Increasingly, more and more, these letters just simply disgust me. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. He doesnt have to have a relationship with her, but like it or not, if hes a real man, he will be there for HIS child, and even his ex. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. So again I think you are making it seem like he treated her like a human being, and talked about this rationally, but really, he was pissed at her for having his baby, threw some money at her, and told her to never come back again. The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. Actions have consequences. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Sorry. or if shes just done too many drugs or something and her brain is rotting away. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. Ive heard of stuff like this from friends of mine, where theyve been in relationships and their BF finds out his ex got pregnant and blah blah blah so take it as you will, I guess. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. Considering how often it is done on daytime television, I am shocked to find out that a paternity test is so damn hard to procure. Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? To be fair, (and Im not at all discrediting what youre saying, because it very well could be true), but no where in the letter does she mention that he did or did not use a condom. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. bittergaymark Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. Good. You want some advice? Well, maybe not your life, but your happiness and security do depend on it. I get what youre saying. Commenters on most websites just depress me I dont bother reading them anymore. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. A Its the law. Youre right, it could be unenforceable. evanscr05 I dont know what he told her within those two minutes but obviously it worked cause now yeah. haha. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. John Rohan Consider that this is the kind of guy that has casual sex with people he doesnt really know/like while on break from a relationship with someone he cant live without. What are your thoughts on an abortion? Secondly, it is a medical procedure. April 9, 2012, 9:31 pm. haha I agree. Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. Because he had sex? I wish it's that easy. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. And yes men create children. But, of course, this makes him an asshole. Well, custody deals with life choices (what school they go to, what religion theyre raised as, what kind of medical treatments they get, etc.). She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. God, Im so glad someone else thought of that word when reading this letter because Ive used that word exactly three times in my life as an insult, and yet I couldnt quit thinking it. landygirl The entire point of my post(s) is that the paternity laws in this country (which is a central consideration of the letter and the story) are out of whack and unbalanced to the point of being unfairly punitive to men. If they do, he is obligated to support the child. Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. I dont ever remember being heartbroken about not having a father. What exactly would your perfect laws look like in regard to custody and child support anyway? What I see is a huge surge of anger at the guy and all sorts of reflections on what type of person he must be, and relatively little anger towards the woman, whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct. When he didnt come chasing after you when you moved you knew it was over and done with. Focus on that though, and you are going to have a miserable life. So much that he demanded his interim girlfriend get an abortion. You two seems very good at twisting everyones words, and then getting mad at those people for it. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. He can bang the neighbor, the lunch lady, and his friendly neighborhood bartenderwhoever. Now, I want to believe him, but in my rightful mind I know I will be so dumb to buy all that he is say. Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. But this doesnt mean that hes not scum. Plenty dont. You dont really get to have a say in this situation, but encourage your boyfriend to have a relationship with this child. I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. The states dont advertise this. April 9, 2012, 2:45 pm. Addie Pray And yet men still keep having sex with us. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. having sex with someone you dont know that well. They are calling him a scum for not taking any responsibility for happened, and they are calling the LW names for acting like her BF is a saint, and had nothing to do with making this baby. This woman might very well be lying. But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. Blood is not everything. And finally , yes, I do think he should have some right to what happens to that pregnancy, and yes I do think that trapping someone by getting pregnant is repulsive, and so yes, I can understand his anger at the woman if that is what is happening. honeybeenicki But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. Both men and women create children. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). lets_be_honest And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. Respect her decision. He should get a damn vasectomy. Iwannatalktosampson If I got pregnant by a guy who begged me to have one, I would tell him if he doesnt want this child he can just fuck off and I will raise him/her but I will not kill my own child for him. I think this man, regardless his quality of character in other situations, demonstrates good foresight in deciding that no, hes not ready to be a father. Run. Bless your heart. After reading your comment, all I wanna say is, AfuckingMEN. Anyway, he ended the relationship with her and surprise, shes knocked up. Therefore, move on. If it is his child, he owes the child at least something. Every woman who has given a child up for adoption is, in your mind, an immature asshole. i am currently in an awful situation. Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. 2. he said this is not gonna ruin us, ReginaRey Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. Pay[ing] for it is responsible, even if its not what the mother of the child, or potentially the child, may initially want. Francine Three babies? Move on. Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. I think that is fair. lets_be_honest The NBA star is reportedly expecting his third child with personal trainer Maralee Nichols, per The Daily Mail. Chuck Pelto FireStar Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. He is doing alot better. Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. Theres nothing wrong with casual sex. Absolutely BOIL. Quit acting like hes so hard done by by this woman and tell him to get some responsibility. But in that case, taking the pill you know that youre supposed to use a back up method while on ATB. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. I agree with SweetsandBeets. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. As a woman, you have control over that. Step away slowly. Thats true, but by the same token, wait a bit (a few days or at least a full conversation) to see if you can get along with someone on a basic level before jumping into bed with them. You brought up the issue of trust and wanting to build trust. The woman can choose to abort the baby, even in the event the father desperately wants it, and is willing to raise and support it himself. I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. Heres how I interpreted it. I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. And honestly, if my boyfriend told me he wants nothing to do with his own child. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. I know youre just trying to tell us that the little scroat wont be able to trap him, buttttt it looks like you cant hold onto him either? However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. That is really fucked up. Iwannatalktosampson When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? Cold, but I suppose not unheard of. And it wont be you for very long. SweetsAndBeats I DO think its completely absurd to be furious with someone else however when you become a parent after choosing to do the exact thing that can cause pregnancy. April 9, 2012, 7:09 pm. I know Im stretching here, but And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. Marriages (or partnerships) are not secondary to parent-children relationships; nor are they primary. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Tim. If he doesnt own up to his part in creating a child, sorry, I think hes a jerk. April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. Is this a valid summary? SpaceySteph Male victims being forced to pay child support, while extremely rare, I agree is sad and unfair to those boys. If you were driving your car, and looked down at the time, and hit the child would you ask the parents of that child to not report you to the police, because its also there fault for letting there child run in to the street? While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. doesnt she have friends to tell her just say no to neon macrome?), we judge who our friends date and marry, we judge everything, usually based on what we would do.